Endurance
by thrillerartist
Summary: Her friend had betrayed her, but in the aftermath of his death, Daisy can't help but feel conflicted towards Fitz. She promised to never forgive him for forcing her into a difficult situation, but his plan worked. The world was safe, at least for now. But where does that leave the rest of Daisy and her team in the meantime?


**Endurance **

**A companion to "For the Greater Good" **

**NOTE: I DO ****NOT**** OWN ****_MARVEL'S AGENTS OF SHIELD_****!**

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My alarm goes of at five in the morning. Time to start morning training. I open my bleary eyes to the digital clock that sits on my nightstand.

**5:30am.**

There used to be a time when I despised getting up so early to run laps and punch a heavy bag. But, like the saying goes, times have changed. So, instead of ignoring the alarm and rolling over to go back to sleep-as I used to do so often in my earlier days as an agent-I slam my alarm clock, and throw off my blankets. My neck cracks when I roll my shoulders, and my eyes feel heavy from sleep, which often comes and goes these days.

I get up and go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I turn the light on, and my eyes burn from the brightness. I blink the stinging sensation away, and I look in the mirror at myself. I have changed very little physically, but my eye immediately pickes up the alterations in my appearance. The hair that I rarely every grow out anymore, my haunted brown eyes that do not hide the dark circles underneath. And finally, the scar on my right temple, caused by a bullet that grazed my head.

A gun I fired with my own hand.

It's been a few months now, since that day. Since I tried to do myself in. My eye goes to that scar whenever I look in a mirror. It used to be a mark of shame, of wanting to rid the world of me so that I could never hurt anyone. Of being too weak to see a difficult situation through. For a while, I had covered my bathroom mirror with a blanket, so that I didn't have to look at myself. Jemma, always wanting to find a solution for everything, had offered me a solvent that could get rid of the scar, but I had declined to use it. I had decided to keep it, because doing otherwise, to me, would be like denying it had ever happened.

It's a reminder to me now, of what I should never do, or try, again.

A few months have also passed since the battle in Chicago that would determine the future of the world.

Since I shot a man into space, a man who used to be our greatest ally.

Since my friend had her arms cut off...and since death had overtaken my team.

Coulson, who we hadn't known was dying until a few days before the battle with Talbot. He was gone now, since I injected the only thing that could possibly save him into myself. All for the sake of the world.

And Fitz. There were things I said to him that I now can never take back. I had told him that I hated him, that I didn't trust him, and I swore that I'd never forgive him. But while I still think that's true, I understand why he did what he did now. Nothing was going to make me change my mind about removing my inhibitor, and the world needed Inhuman powers now more than ever.

But I hated him, I hated what he did to me, and I let it be known. I held a gun to my head, ready to do a terrible thing, just so that I could have some control, some piece of mind, and just so that his genius plan wouldn't work. When I failed, I secluded him from the one he loved, forbade anyone from speaking to him without my permission first. Harsh, yes, but you can understand why I did that, too. I've faced enough monsters in my life to know when to lock one away.

Even if it wore the face of one of my closest friends.

But there was nohting I could do that would expel the monsters inside my head. I'd be with those forever, those formless, faceless terrors that had come to be my own. I needed to put a face on my fear, so I made it wear the face of the friend who had betrayed me.

I made Fitz my monster, my reason for self-loathing, my reason for wanting to end it all forever...and now, he's dead. He's gone, crushed by rubble from the blast that rocketed Talbot above the stratosphere. The blast that I created.

I wanted Fitz dead...but I didn't want to kill him. I wanted to slay my monster, but now while it was in the form of my friend.

How messed up is that?

Friends fight, and so do family. That's one thing I'm always reminded of when I worked with this team. No matter how much I screamed and cried that I hated Fitz, that I never wanted to see him again, that I was going to kill him for what he did to me...I didn't really mean it. A part of me definitely did, for a long time; but now, if I saw his face again, I would just be glad to see he's alive. I guess that's what happens when you become family; no matter how much you try to make yourself hate them, you can't.

You can't erase the fact that, at the end of the day, they're still your family, and you love them.

Love...

I can imagine was Jemma must be going through right now. I've experienced it myself.

The sleepless nights, the heart-stopping moments on the street when you mistake a common stranger for the love of your life who's supposed to be dead. The agonizing moments when you wake up, and for a split second, think that they're still here, that it was all a horrible nightmare, that you'll roll over, and they'll be beside you. And then the agony of realizing that the nightmare was reality.

I wish I could be there for Jemma through that. I wish I could help her in a way I never allowed myself to be when Lincoln died.

But I don't know where Jemma is right now. She left on a personal mission to search for the Fitz she believed was still croyogenically frozen in Enoch's pod. The Fitz who was still alive in this time, if he's even alive at all. From what I understand about this crazy-ass timeline, while we were sent to the future, the Fitz from the alternate past froze himself for fifty years before being defrosted. That, supposedly, is the Fitz that Jemma married. The Fitz that died.

To be honest, I don't really know what to believe at this point. So many impossible things have happened to me, that I don't really think anything is impossible anymore. But that doesn't mean it's not easy to believe.

Dead is dead. I should know that better than anyone.

Jemma calls me every once in a while. She's not on the run like I was, she's just searching for someone that doesn't really exist anymore. Last I heard from Jemma, she was in Berlin, searching for an old Hydra bunker that was supposed to house stolen SHIELD items. But that was three months ago, and I have no idea where my friend is right now, or how she's doing.

Part of me can't help but feel responsible for Jemma's pain. It was _my_ battle with Talbot that caused the ground to shake, after all. And if the ground shakes hard enough, buildings come tumbling down, like the walls of Jericho from the old Bible story. I know there was nothing differently I could have done, but there are some days where I can't help but feel that_ I_ should have been the one who died, that_ I_ should have been the one crushed by a builiding. Who knows, maybe I would have survived (you know, being inhuman and all).

That thought comes to my mind, sometimes, if I let it wander too far. I wonder if I'd be able to absorb the shock if I were to jump out of the Zephyr without a parachute? Would I just bounce off of the ground like a human bouncy-ball, or would I become a human pancake?

But I never let my thoughts get farther than that. There's still a need for an Inhuman agent in SHIELD, and I promised Coulson that I wouldn't run off again...and I promised May that I wouldn't ever try anything like that again.

I intend to keep my promises these days.

Unconsciously, my hand clutches around the necklace I made. It's the vial that held the Centipeded serum that gave me the extra power I needed to defeat Talbot.

It was also the only thing left that could save Coulson; but he didn't want it.

He gave it to me instead.

_Coulson_.

Mack took over the Director position. I wasn't ready to be a leader, not the one that SHIELD needed. I'm his second in command until May gets back. Maybe I could learn from my big-brother figure how to make choices that are best for everyone, in the meantime. I sleep...most of the time. I eat, Mack makes sure of that. I train every day, and am constantly scouring the dark web and military communications for reports of new inhumans. I still have skills that are needed. I could still be a guide to new inhumans.

But so far, there are none. Either the terengenesis cloud has finally passed the Earth, or there are no new inhumans left.

I clutch my necklace in my fingers, running them up and down the cold glass and metal. No matter how much I wear it, it never seems to warm. Funny. Even inanimate objects can reflect emotions, I guess.

I don't regret wanting to save Coulson, but I regret that it was a selfish choice. To save someone I loved, would have meant destroying the world. To save the world, I would have to let a loved one die. Round and round that wheel of torture spun in my head. I couldn't make the hard choice.

But Fitz did. He took a step I wasn't willing to take, and it payed off. By ripping out my inhibitor, he'd managed to save the world. I hated him, locked him away, and thre angry words at him when he was released.

And when he died, I still hadn't spoke to him without telling him how much I hated his guts.

And now, I'll never get the chance to say I'm sorry.

_But maybe he already knows, _a part of me wonders. The nuns at the orphanage liked to say that the souls of people who had died could watch over thier loved ones from Heaven. It sounded more like a one-way telephone line when I heard it as a kid. How would they even know, anyway, without dying themselves?

I don't know anything about being dead, so I don't know how the whole "soul" thing works. I don't know if he's here with me, right now, or if he's looking down at me from a cloud. I certainly don't know if he just blinked out of existence. I've never liked that belief. How could a person's presence just stop, right there and then? How could a person like Fitz, who was so smart and kind, and who was one of the best friends I've ever had, just cease to be? It don't think that's how it works, either.

All I do know, is that if there's a part of Fitz that's still out there, I'd be more than happy to see him again. Even if he didn't know what he did, even if all that stuff Jemma said about timelines and alterante histories is true...if Fitz was still alive, he wouldn't even have to say he was sorry. If my friend is still alive, then it wouldn't be the Fitz who tortured me and forced me into a decision I couldn't make. Maybe I'd be ready to forgive him.

All I know is that I'm still here, so it has to be for something. There has to be some sort of reason I'm still around. Lincoln told me that all Inhumans were given their powers to serve a particular purpose, so if I'm still here, I must still serve a purpose to the world.

If I've endured the pain of loss and heartache so far, if I can keep going after everything that's happened to me and my team, then I can keep going.

So I shut the lights off to the bathroom, get into my workout gear, and head straight for the training room.

Come what may, come hell or high water, I would endure it for all the friends I've lost and for the ones who still need me.

**The End**

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**Author's Note: **

**I know this isn't what people had in mind when they asked for a reconciliation between Fitz and Daisy, but when I really thought about it, there wouldn't really be one in the timeline until after Fitz was dead. Daisy was still pretty angry at Fitz when she fought Talbot at the end of season 5, and we didn't really see her reaction to his death. From what I could gather from her behavior in past seasons, Daisy is a kind-hearted individual, and although she can hold a grudge pretty well, she is forgiving at heart, and only wants what's best for her friends and family. I thought that Daisy, in the aftermath of her battle with Talbot, and in the wake of Fitz's death, would have a more mature mindset, and be forced to think more rationally. Her mentor, Coulson, has died, and her best friend is searching the globve (and worlds beyond, probably) for her lost love. Also, Daisy has finally realized that she doesn't have the makings of being hte Director of SHIELD just yet (although she still has the potential for it). **

**I've also drawn on some personal experiences when writing this chapter. When faced with a betrayal, you can't deny that at the end of the day, the person who was your friend _was_ your ally at some point in time. You can't take ignore the good memories with them like they never even happened, because they _did_. That's what makes betrayal so hurtful. ****Given time (and depending on the degree of the betrayal) forgiveness is possible, even if a person is no longer there to reconcile. **

**I know you guys wanted to see Fitz and Daisy's reconciliation person-to-person, but I thought that this would be from a more emotional point-of-view if it were only Daisy. Only by facing a tragedy, in my experience, are we able to look at ourselves better, and prioritize what's really important in our lives. Would we rather spend our lives keepinggrudges, and die angry and bitter, or would we rather face our emotional wounds, forgive our betrayers, and get on with our lives? **

**I know which one I would rather do, because I've had to do it before. **

**-thrillerartist **


End file.
